You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A bitchslap is in order.
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