We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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