I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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