i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
