the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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