my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
