Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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