i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
