I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
