Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Drake has all the answers
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
