She announced her abortion via fbk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
