Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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