i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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