My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
