just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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