Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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