Can i not drive my cunt home
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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