Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
