so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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