I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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