I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
