how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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