There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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