did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He shit in the fireplace
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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