Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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