im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
