he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
