Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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