Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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