he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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