Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
