perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
