Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
