he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
