When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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