u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
