What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
