my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
