Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
