Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
