does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
