Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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