woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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