So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
