You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
