Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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