mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
