I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
