i already hear my dad disowning me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
