so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
