like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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